Fiction by Fictional Authors

Remember that time Anne Shirley wrote a story that won the Rollings Reliable Baking Powder contest? Don't you kind of want to read that story?

There is something so tantalizing, yet frustrating, about a book that is referred to in a novel or film... but doesn't actually exist. Your favourite characters keep talking about it & you just really want to read it. But you can't! Because it doesn't exist! Discord & frustration.

Here are a few books that I really want to read but can't, because both they & their authors are fictional.

An Imperial Affliction

from
The Fault in Our Stars

Yeah, this one tops the list. I've read The Fault in Our Stars twice already, but no matter how many times I read it, I'll never quite know what happens in Hazel's favourite book. For that matter, I'll also never get to live inside the endless fiction of The Price of Dawn, based on Augustus's favourite video game.

Of the many pleasant miseries afforded by reading John Green, not getting to read Van Houten's fictional fiction is just one of them. I really want to read Augustus & Hazel's favourite books. I also want to listen to The Hectic Glow. I also want everyone to live forever. Alas.

Hogwarts: A History

from 
Harry Potter

Here's a question: do the characters in Harry Potter read fiction? They read a lot - especially Hermione, obviously - but it seems to be all textbooks & Flying with the Cannons & Rita Skeeter's scandalous Dumbledore biography & Gilderoy Lockhart's made up memoirs.  Do Harry, Ron & Hermione ever read novels?

Every time I read or watch Harry Potter, I find myself really wanting to get my hands on Hogwarts: a History. What wonders might be revealed if this book actually existed? Maybe J.K. Rowling should get on that. I bet half of it is already floating around in her head.

In the meantime, The Tales of Beedle the Bard, Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them, & Quidditch Through the Ages all do really exist & can be read.

An Unkindness of Ravens

from
One Tree Hill

I recently became obsessed with One Tree Hill, & have been binge-watching it on Netflix. I'll spare you the details; suffice it to say, I really want to read Lucas's books.

Although there is something that bugs me; An Unkindness of Ravens is confusingly referred to as fiction, even though it seems to be an exact retelling of Lucas's high school experience, without even any name changes. It's kind of like when TV show characters say they want a Mocha Latte. It drives me crazy. Because that's not a thing!

The Simon Snow series

from
Fangirl

Simon Snow is a Harry Potter-esque series in the book Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. There are clips of it scattered throughout the book & to be honest, it seems pretty gripping. If it was real, I would read it. I wouldn't mind reading a bit of the main character Cath's fanfiction, while I'm at it.

The Subsect

from
Gilmore Girls

Gilmore Girls was full of amazing references to real live books, but there was also one that was fictional. Remember when Rory was languishing away at her grandparents house, skipping school & being all un-Rory-like, & in the meantime Jess wrote a book? Yeah, don't you kind of want to read that book?

The Nikki Heat series

from
Castle

I'll polish off the list with this: fiction, by a fictional author, that also really exist in the real world & you can buy it & read it & it's awesome.

I love the show Castle, where the main character is an mystery writer that also helps the NYPD solve crimes. And this time we're in luck; Richard Castle's books really exist, in the real world. No one quite knows who writes them, but they are actual New York Times bestsellers.

It's all so meta.

Any that I'm missing?

Do you have any favourite fake books that you can't actually read?

Let's share the agony.

picture of Hazel reading in The Fault in Our Stars from Entertainment Weekly

Our Favourite Christmas Films

It's a Wonderful Life

It's a Wonderful Life is always good; but you'll especially appreciate it if you happen to be in one of those "I'll be stuck in this dead end job for the rest of my life!" stages...

Most quoted line:

"I wish I had a million dollars. Hot dog!"

Elf

What can I say. Will Ferrell in an elf costume, New York... & everyone's introduction to Zooey Deschanel's amazing voice. One of the most quotable Christmas movies ever.

Most quoted lines:

"What's a Christmas gram?! I want one!"

"We elves try to stick to the four main food groups.
Candy, candy canes, candy corns, & syrup."

A Season for Miracles

A Season for Miracles is a Hallmark Hall of Fame film, which is to say it's sweet & real (but never too heavy) & it might make you cry.

(It has the amazing Mae Whitman, from Parenthood & Hope Floats, among others.)

"We all make our own mistakes in our own ways, but the solution is always the same: 'I forgive you.' Those 3 words can change the world. They already have."

Most quoted lines:

"I don't do coffee. I'm liberated."

"Watch the ice, Ethel. One slip & we're toast."

White Christmas

White Christmas is SUCH a classic. If you're one of the many people who have never gotten around to watching this one, watch it this year! So funny & charming. Dude, Danny Kaye is hilarious.

Most quoted lines:

"When I figure out what that means, I'll come up with a crushing reply."

"It's cozier, isn't it? Boy, girl. Boy, girl."

Home Alone

Home Alone is in the realm of movies that are Christmassy, but can be watched any time of year. (Like Love Actually, Family Stone, While You Were Sleeping...)

Good ol' 1990.

Most quoted lines:

"I got you milk, eggs, & fabric softener."

"When I grow up & get married, I'm living alone!"

While You Were Sleeping

Freezing cold Chicago at Christmas.

Sandra Bullock & her baggy sweaters.

Jack & his work boots.

That kid throwing the newspaper & falling off his bike.

What's not to love.

While You Were Sleeping is one of our all time favourite films, & we quote it constantly.

Most quoted lines:

"We read the Sun Times. Amen."

"I had to eat your ticket!"

"He also said he invented aluminum foil. He's delusional."

"These mashed potatoes are so creamy. Mary mashed em!"

A Muppet Christmas Carol

It'd be a challenge to watch The Muppets & not be happy.

A Muppet Christmas Carol is no exception.

And did you remember that Michael Caine plays Scrooge in this version?

Most quoted lines:

"Light the lamp, not the rat!"

"Well excuse me, Mr. Dickens."

All I Want for Christmas

We've watched All I Want for Christmas multiple times every year since it came out. 

Which was 1991.

This one truly tops the list of favourite Christmas films.

Starring Lauren Bacall & that guy from SNL.

Most quoted lines:

"I'm on the streets of New York arguing about reality with a 7 year old."

"This is Santa Claus, not Dear Abbey."

"Wait until I'm in third grade. Then I'll pick a career."

A Christmas Story

We watch this every year on Christmas Even when TBS plays their 24 hour A Christmas Story marathon. It seems to get even funnier every year.

Most quoted lines:

"Few things brought such swift & terrible retribution on a kid as a pair of busted glasses."

"Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense."


What are your favourite Christmas films?

Christmas Film pictures: White Christmas, White Christmas, Elf, All I Want for Christmas, A Season for Miracles, A Muppet Christmas Carol, A Christmas Story, Home Alone, It's a Wonderful Life, & While You Were Sleeping

The Sound of Music Live

Did you watch The Sound of Music Live Thursday night?

Apparently 18 million people did.

According to twitter, opinions were decidedly mixed.

Remaking anything as loved as The Sound of Music has it's perils, especially if you are doing crazy things like performing the original stage production live on television in front of 18 million people.

But it was kind of awesome.

First of all, those nuns singing How Do You Solve a Problem like Maria. Charming.

This scene involved singing, dancing, yodeling, jumping on the bed... all live. I was impressed. Where were the microphones, even?

BTW, yes we were all expecting My Favourite Things here. Turns out this was a remake of the original Rogers & Hammerstein stage musical, not the beloved Julie Andrews film. That also explains those songs that we've never heard before, sung by lovable old Uncle Max & the Baroness Schraeder.

Speaking of the Baroness...

Laura Benanti. She was awesome in Go On with Matthew Perry, & apparently she also sings. On broadway.

She made Baroness Schraeder downright likeable. She also rocked some great dresses & a crazy pair of red trousers, which I now want.

And then there's Audra McDonald.

Carrie Underwood was not the only one crying when the Rev. Mother sang Climb Every Mountain.


If you're a purist, I get it. Nothing competes with the Julie Andrews version. (Much like Meryl Streep, Julie Andrews can do anything.)

But I loved that they just went for it. I love the film Mamma Mia because there are no holds barred, & this felt the same way. Crazy outfits? Wild hair? Jumping on the bed? Bursting into song? Why not.

It was a big, crazy thing to do but they just did it. I liked watching them attempt something so big.

Also? The Sound of Music just makes me happy.

What did you think?

BTW, I've been listening to the original Sound of Music soundtrack all day:

And I like these two articles, which basically say "It wasn't good, but I enjoyed it," & "The Sound of Music Live was borderline unprofessional. Also: Terrific."

(I'm now dying to go re-watch the regular film.)

The Sound of Music Live pictures: Carrie Underwood, Goatheard song & nuns, Laura Benanti, Audra McDonald

Inspiration from: Romeo + Juliet

Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet is Shakespeare in the 90s.

This is Shakespeare with guns & gangs & hawaiian shirts.

But don't worry, there are still balconies & knights in shining armor.

Baz Luhrmann films are usually kind of a spectacle, & Romeo + Juliet is no exception.

I love the candles, & the angels everywhere...

I love the music & the colours.

I don't love it when Claire Danes cries, because it reminds me of Beth in Little Women.

Seriously.  Don't cry, Beth!

And also, don't die.

I realize resetting Romeo + Juliet in 1996 California was kind of a love/hate thing.

But whatever you think of Baz Luhrmann's style, you have to admit he goes all out...

...which is kind of fitting for the most tragic of all love stories.

Romeo + Juliet pictures: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, & 13.

Inspiration from You've Got Mail: Kathleen Kelly's Apartment

Don't you just love You've Got Mail?

One thing I love about it is that it has great scenes from each season.

Fall: "Don't you just love New York in the Fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies."
Winter: Of course I want to see Greg Kinnear sing "the horn...the horn...it sounds so forlorn."
and it would be a shame to miss New York in the Spring...

And of course I could watch it countless times just to see Kathleen Kelly's apartment.

Here are a few things I love about it:

Books everywhere (on bookshelves, in baskets, stacked on the table)

Quilts & floral patterns

Pictures hung in obscure places 

Anything is better with Tom Hanks! & daisies.

a comfortable couch: hard to beat.

Kathleen Kelly's apartment is not spotless. It looks like someone actually lives there, which is refreshing for a romantic comedy.

There are lots of old-fashioned things (floral prints & framed family photos), 

but it doesn't look dated. 

Her apartment is rearranged throughout the movie. Even the bed linens change. 

Gotta love that Nora Ephron.

Lots of plants & fresh flowers

Sunny windows & sheer curtains

Interesting furniture placement. The bed comes out diagonally from the wall, the desk is in the middle of the room, & she has two couches - on opposite ends of the apartment. Good ideas for decorating a small or oddly shaped apartment. 

Note the framed doily. Awesome. 

My sister & I lived together for a few years after I graduated from college. One day we were watching You've Got Mail, and I said "bah! I just want our apartment to look exactly like that!" She paused the movie and said: "Look around."

Comfortable couch, floral fabric, sheer curtains, books everywhere...the same wall colour. Years of studying Kathleen Kelly's great apartment - & absorbing her style by osmosis while watching You've Got Mail so many times - had apparently paid off.

Come to think of it, it's almost fall & it might be time for a walk to Starbucks for a tall decaf cappuccino. And it's always a good time for a re-watching of You've Got Mail.

Post & pictures adapted from Life on Canvas.

Our Favourite Summer Movies

White House Down

Roland Emmerich (director of Day After Tomorrow & 2012) is the king of big summer disaster movies.

You always know what you're getting with Roland Emmerich: an implausible end of the world plot, a good cast, big explosions, destroyed national monuments, & cheesy one-liners. If you are willing to suspend reality for a few hours, you will be rewarded with some epic entertainment. 

Olympus Has Fallen (the other terrorists-take-over-the-White-House summer movie) was good too, but White House Down has our vote.

Red 2

Despite never having seen Red 1, we went to see Red 2 because it was one of the only movies playing on Christy's birthday. It was surprisingly hilarious.

Mary Louise Parker's normal-girl-looking-for-adventure is truly funny. And the whole thing is worth watching just for that scene with Helen Mirren shooting out both windows of a moving car. She is so great.

(Jenny has seen both, & says Red 2 is better.)

Iron Man 3

We love Marvel. This one gets mixed reviews but we're agreed -- Pepper Potts in the Iron Man suit was awesome.

Christy saw it twice.

42

You don't have to love sports to love a good sports movie.

Jenny didn't know much about Jackie Robinson going into this film, but afterwards she couldn't stop regaling everyone with anecdotes about what a fascinating & stand up guy he was.

Plus it was refreshing to see Harrison Ford play someone his actual age.

World War Z

Christy went to this with two of her friends & they might have clung to each other through most of the film. It was properly scary.

As I like to say, vampires are for teenage girls but zombies are for everyone.

Jobs

Stories about brilliant, tortured artists never get old. This film had so much to say about the creative process & Ashton Kutcher did a fabulous job portraying Jobs' complicated personal life.

Plus we loved watching the laid back, barefoot, west coast vibe of the 70s, 80s & 90s.

It kind of felt like a preview for the book, because even though it was a long film, it left us so curious to know more about this guy.

(There is a second Jobs film being made right now by Aaron Sorkin. That one will actually be based on the official Steve Jobs biography & sounds excellent.)

Star Trek into Darkness

Jenny went into Star Trek into Darkness as a skeptical non-trekkie. But the character-driven movie was awesome even without knowing the backstory or being invested in the Star Trek world. Plus it has Simon Pegg & Benedict Cumberbatch. Need I say more?

Man of Steel

While we are not trekkies, we are major Superman fans.

Even though Man of Steel had it's downsides (too heavy on the outer space/Krypton stuff, plus some drawn out fight scenes,) we totally loved it.

Henry Cavill just IS Superman. And Amy Adams brought her usual gumption & charm to the role of Lois Lane.

There were lots of shout outs for DC fans -- Lexcorp signs, Smallville references, & a 'Keep Calm & Call Batman' poster in the background.

And our friend Ethan was an extra at the Daily Planet, which was awesome.

We can't wait to see the next one, with the hotly debated Ben Affleck as Batman.

It's been a summer of good movies.

We've also been hearing raves about The Way, Way Back but missed it in the theater, so we'll have to netflix that one.
Any other good summer movies we missed out on?

Favourite Summer Movies via: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, & 16